4 Ways to Survive in a Horror Movie
And 8 movies Where They Are Disregarded
By Scream Queen Actress Rachel Grubb & Easily-Frightened Actor Paul Cram
1. Never Take Off Your Clothes
Especially if you take a shower. The person who shows the most skin first always dies.
Rachel Recommends: Deep Red, By Dario Argento. About a musician who sees the murder of a psychic, and teams up with a reporter to find the killer bent on keeping a dark secret buried.
Paul Recommends: Psycho, by Alfred Hitcock. The classic tale of a young woman who steals $40K, and encounters a young motel proprietor too long under the domination of his mother.
2. Stay Away From the Creepy Looking House
But since it’s inevitable that you’ll wind up inside, remember not to run upstairs to escape. Your chances of survival are just as good if you simply stood still and shouted "Your Momma’s So Fat” jokes. At least then you’d drown out the psycho killer’s deep breathing.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, by Tobe Hooper. Five friends visit their grandpa's house are hunted down and terrorized by a chainsaw wielding killer and his cannibal family.
House, by Robby Henson. It’s set in rural Alabama, where two couples find themselves running from a maniac (The Tin Man) bent on playing a cat & mouse killing game with them.
3. Always Be Nice to the Shy Unpopular Girl
Practice the Golden Rule. Be especially nice to the mousy girl in school. Trust me, when prom roles around you’ll thank me. That being said, go ahead and slap the screaming hysterical girl because she’s the one that will distract everyone when there is real danger.
Ginger Snaps, by John Fawcett. One of the Fitzgerald sisters gets bitten by something in the woods (and it ain't a neighborhood dog). The film uses Wherewolfism as a metaphor of puberty.
Hangman’s Curse, by Rafael Zielinski. Bullying students fall deathly ill after screaming the name of a legendary ghost.
4. Don’t Test Urban Legends or Take the Occult Lightly
Especially don’t read outloud a cryptic occult curse or joke about the local folk lore, these are sure-fire ways to end up dead, or running from a demon intent on killing you.
The Ring, by Gore Verbinski. A young journalist must investigate a mysterious videotape which seems to cause the death of anyone in a week of viewing it.
What Lies Beneath, by Robert Zemekis. The wife of a university research scientist believes that her lakeside Vermont home is haunted by a ghost -- or that she's losing her mind.